Top Tools in Eating Disorder Recovery
It can feel overwhelming when you start taking a look at your relationship with food and your body so I have put together a list of tools that many clients over the years have used.
Externalizing your eating disorder:
When you start to dive into recovery work, your awareness starts to increase around your thoughts, emotions and behaviors. You start to recognize how often you are preoccupied with food and bodies. You start to realize how critical your thinking can be. The eating disorder has a life of its own and differs greatly from your core self. For example what the eating disorder cares about and values is likely very different than what you really value. It can be incredibly helpful to view these thoughts as a separate being, one that often feels abusive and judgmental. Putting these thoughts down on paper, saying them out loud or imagining them being said to a young child can highlight how impactful the eating disorder is. You are encouraged to consider naming your eating disorder. This could just be eating disorder or ED. So when you sit down to eat or when you try on that new swim suit, you can be empowered to talk back to it. Ask yourself in these moments if you would talk to your best friend or young child in this way. Think about how you feel when the eating disorder is present. What does it sound and feel like?
Take action:
Behavior change in eating disorder recovery is key towards healing. It is best to get guidance from your eating disorder recovery team which often includes a mental health therapist, eating disorder specific dietitian and possibly a medical provider. Depending on where you’re at in your recovery, it might make sense for you to follow a more scripted meal plan to help your body relearn how to get used to consistent food. Or you might be focusing on tuning into your body’s cues around food including but not limited to hunger/fullness, emotions and thoughts, reactions to textures, smells and tastes. You might be building in pauses throughout the day away from food and also when interacting with food to increase your awareness around your internal and external reactions. You might be intentionally exposing yourself to fear foods to help work through difficult feelings. Having specific goals each week is important so you can track progress and identify barriers.
Honor your eating disorder’s functions:
There is so much shame surrounding eating disorders but it is helpful to reframe how you see the eating disorder. It is not like you woke up one day and chose to develop an eating disorder. You are doing the best you can and the eating disorder can serve a function to give you a (false) sense of control, make you feel protected from harm, give you a sense of worth and value, communicate to others that you are not okay or a way to get your needs met. Honoring the fact that the eating disorder has a function and is trying to do something can often dissipate shame and help you learn how to get your needs met in a healthier way. Naming the function(s) is not a way to justify the behavior but bring to light your needs that are not being met.
Focus on body image:
Body image is often the part of recovery that takes the longest and really is a lifelong journey. Start taking a look at the messages you have received from the systems around you regarding your body. How did your family members talk about their own bodies and possibly yours? Were there peers or adults in your life outside of family who commented on your body? Oftentimes, I hear stories about medical providers making unhelpful and harmful statements to people of all ages about their body size and abilities. What have the media messages been over the years regarding what your body “should be''? If you haven’t started already, take a critical look at the messages you are receiving about your body. Once you do this, then you are empowered to take some action. Of course you cannot control everything you see but you can unfollow certain people and accounts that reinforce your eating disorder and start following people and places that promote body empowerment, body liberation, Health at Every Size, anti diet culture and ultimately radical self love.
Challenge how you view your body and others’ by using neutral language. Sometimes it can feel too difficult to practice positive self statements about your body. One step you can take is using neutral statements when you look at others’ bodies and at your own. For example, “I am wearing a blue shirt, my hair is in a ponytail, my eyes are brown”. Also if you notice that you hyper focus on certain parts of your body, you can look into your eyes when looking in the mirror, limit how much time you are in front of the mirror, take a whole picture look verses a zoomed in look or listen to uplifting music when you are changing for the day.
Step up the challenge by creating mantras: Mantras are words or phrases that you chant to yourself repeatedly. Over time, they become your inner voice. Find a word or phrase that gets you to your core and makes you uncomfortable. It is best to make up your own but some ideas are, “I am healing my relationship with my body”, “my body is magnificent”, “I am unlearning toxic messages about my body” or “I am connected to my body”. Write this down on your mirror, say this daily on your drive to work or meditate with it daily. (More at “How to Work on Negative Body Image” blog post)
Feel your feelings:
Once you start challenging your eating disorder, you will become more aware of your emotions. This can feel overwhelming at times but can also make you feel more alive. Your eating disorder is likely trying to help you cope on some level with these feelings so not having it as an option anymore can be scary. Emotions do not last forever and do eventually pass. Sitting with them can be extremely helpful. There will be times you need to contain the emotions so you can keep going through your day but make time at some point to fully accept their presence.
These are just a handful of tools people use in their eating disorder recovery. There are so many more tools people use when navigating their change process. Being open will help you gather more tools over time. As always, remember to give yourself grace as you start practicing a new way of being with food and your body.
If you or someone you love is struggling with disordered eating, please reach out to Megan Tarmann, LMFT for online and in person therapy options in Minnesota.
